it is not a very nice thing to feel.
it is not what anyone wld dream of feeling.
but yet i feel tt way - jealous.
of who?
hilma.
why?
she took my bestest best fren away from me.
maybe me and fiza arent getting along so great.
maybe fiza is bored of me.
maybe its juz me.

all i noe for sure is tt i haf cried many tears for fiza.when she was sad, when she was mad, when she needed a fren.
i cried when i hurt her, when she was sad.
i felt what she did.her joy, her pain, happiness, sadness.when she was angry, in love, about to break-up with someone, i was there.
when fiza was tired and angry and didnt haf time to do the berets, i helped her willingly.will hilma do the same?
when fiza lost her wallet, i followed her to retrieve it.did hilma do the same?
when fiza had to end a relationship but didnt wanna see the guy's reaction, i passed the letter to him.will hilma do the same?
when fiza first got her zen and was afraid to do anything to it, i found time to come over, to help her install the necessary programmes.could hilma do the same?

i noe it sounds like i am looking down on hilma.im not.my point is tt i haf tried my best, and given my all.i loved fiza oh so very much.and i still do.i cared for her oh so very much.and i still do.

what happened juz now was not what i had expected.fiza didnt even noe if she would be there by my side if i was really angry or sad.fiza acted like i was not there when i was really down.fiza's look pierced my heart.it saddens me to noe tt after finding my bestest best fren, she just slipped away.

i hate nothing more than losing a friend.what more a best friend.
and also when someone else takes her away from me.

she has found somone else to share her secrets with.and left me in the dark.
she found someone else to spend her time with.and left me feeling lonely.

i really hope i can have you back.i truly do.

and also thanks to those who tried to help.namely jian an/amirul, fatin, dora and RIFAT.my one and only protective brother.he was about to blow up with me.but i can see tt he was controlling hard.just so that our sour relationship did not turn bitter.he cried with me.and i love u too.i only haf one brother who i cherish.he told me just now to always remember - "air dicincang tidak putus".thanks.

i have been crying, and will always cry as long as i dun get my best friend back.i love u fiza.